Thursday, October 1, 2009

A Dream Like State

From 1990-1993 we had a foster son. He came to us when he was 3 days old and left when he was 3 years and 2 months.

He got adopted by the Huxtables.





At the time I was a stay at home home schooling mom. I loved little Louis. But he was so much better off going with the Huxtables.

When his new mom called to tell me that the judge said he could finally go live with them, I burst into tears and said, "He's my baby." We got to keep him one more week.

Then his dad came and picked him up. I said to my little Louis, "Your new family is here to take you home." Louis ran down the hall screaming, "No!"

Off he went and they took really good care of him and gave him a really good life. We saw him twice after that. He was talking and having a great time.

I wrote to his family about 10 years ago, giving them our new address, but I have not heard from them.

I did my best with Louis, but it wasn't that great. He got bangs and bumps and cuts and scrapes. He was little and he did not talk (like many born drug addicted children). I am sure however he grew up into a wonderful man.

But the Louis of my dreams is still 3 years old, little, not totally potty trained and not talking much.




It is a re-occurring dream. He is little and I haven't been taking care of him. I need to take care of him. I am so ashamed that I haven't and I am afraid that I will get in trouble with the authorities because I haven't been taking care of him.

Sometimes Joe-Ash dreams about him, too.




So what's that about? I had the dream again last night. It has haunted me today.

What am I not doing that I should?

What part of me is being forgotten and not nourished?

I don't know.

Can you help?