Today's story is just that - a story - which means it is a thinly veiled report of my misspent youth where none of the names have been changed because no one is innocent. Miss Bliss has her stories, where I have a supporting role - and not surprisingly, where she is the star, I have vague memories. Car crashes here, falling down drunks there, barking bassets all over the place.
This story takes place, however, with Miss Bliss nowhere to be seen. She is in the valley, doing whatever - I have no idea why she is not here, but she is not. Miss Bliss has introduced all but one of the characters that will appear here in her various Fables and blogs. We have Tie Dye, the main character, Apple Cheeks, and Fred. New to this world is Brave One, whose name has been changed because he actually is innocent.
Long ago and far away, Tie Dye was upset by the war in Vietnam. It seemed useless, evil and destructive to all. She laughed out loud while watching Drag Net with her parents. She boycotted CBS for years for cancelling the Smothers Brothers Show. (Not that CBS ever knew or cared.) Tie Dye belonged to a Church Youth Group where she drank, smoked pot, lost her virginity and occasionally took "harder" drugs.
This Youth Group had a trip planned to camp at Lake Edison. Tie Dye had never been there. She thought that taking a trip while she was there would be a good idea. You know, to discover the area and all. Wink wink. So before the trip, she went to good old Fred and bought some mescaline. (She undoubtedly went with Miss Bliss - who could probably tell you all kinds of things about the visit - but Tie Dye has no recollection of the event).
Lake Edison
Now you need to know this about Fred - he was pretty persuasive and a bit of a bull dog. He once talked Tie Dye into going, in the middle of the night, to wake up a huge ex Hell's Angel. Tie Dye knew where he was staying and Fred did not. Yikes - he could talk Tie Dye into anything, except touching him, kissing him, sharing food or water with him or having sex with him. Tie Dye knew that Fred, who was also part of the Youth Group, would want to share this trip experience. So she gobbled down all the trip starter early - so he would not be able to talk her into giving him some. Hog that she was.
Somehow the Group got to the Lake. Wonderful! Camp was set up and Tie Dye's trip had begun.
Campground @ Lake Edison
She walked down the lake shore with Fred and Apple Cheeks. Fred had already asked Tie Dye for some trip starter and she told him she had already taken it. That problem was now dealt with. As they were strolling down the lake shore, Tie Dye thought to herself, Fred is going to spit, I know it! So, of course, Fred hocked a loogie on the sand. Gross and disgusting. What is it with guys and spitting? Really, what is it? How does that show "I am Man!" It is disgusting, guys. I am pretty sure Tie Dye is not the only one who thinks so.
Now totally grossed out and amazed that she could predict such things, Tie Dye realized that Apple Cheeks was going to spit, too. Another loogie plopped on the sand. May I just say, here and now? YUCK! Again, amazement amid nausea hit Tie Dye.
The next event of note in the trip was - Ta Da - in the middle of Nowhere! A Store! Imagine that! The store had been the trio's destination all along. Everything was extremely overpriced and small. What was this? Why was she here? Did she have any money? No. Why was she here again? How did this building with the high priced small items get here in the middle of nowhere? This was just downright weird and unnatural.
After the store, they walked down the shore toward camp and Tie Dye was afraid of flying loogies the whole way back.
It was afternoon now. Tie Dye was on her own - probably left alone because of the horror on her face due to the fear of loogies - and the ability to predict them. She sat on some rocks along the shore. It was so peaceful being part of nature. Just sitting there. Perhaps she should put her toe in the water. Toe in - big wave. Whoa - that was weird. Where did that wave come from? Toe out. If she put her toe in, would there be another big wave? No, that's ridiculous! Toe in - big wave! Whaaat? Toe out. Toe in - big wave. Toe out. You get the pattern. Tie Dye was amazed at her connectedness to nature. Absolutely amazed.
Actual Rocks on Lake Edison's Shore
Later, after dinner (what did they have for dinner? - probably some freeze dried backpacking food - Tie Dye did not pay attention -but if Miss Bliss had been here she would be able to tell you in great detail) Tie Dye was assigned to wash the dishes. So off she went - directed by Apple Cheeks, who undoubtedly thought - this chick has always been a pain in my ass - to the water spigot. Tie Dye washed away - and then she got to the frying pan that had been used over the fire's open flame. I don't know if you have ever tried to clean the bottom of a frying panthat has been used over open fire flames with cold water while tripping on mescaline - but let me tell you, it is a fascinating and never ending job.
Why won't this pan get clean? It is very dark out here. Wow, water. What is this black stuff? Why won't this pan get clean? What is all this black stuff? Wow, look, these rocks have food scraps all over them. It's awfully dark. What is this black stuff? Why won't this pan get clean?
Predictably, Apple Cheeks came to check on Tie Dye. "What is taking you so long?" he asked? This pan won't get clean, was the reply. After surveying the scene, and knowing her state of mind, Apple Cheeks said, "You don't have to clean the bottom of the pan." Oh. That's information I could have used going into this situation, thought Tie Dye.
The next scene worthy of description was bedtime. Tie Dye had her mat, sleeping bag and candle all ready. The candle was red and mulberry scented. It provided hours of trippy entertainment, and smelled so good. Look at that white blue red yellow flame. Smell that smell. Mmmmm.
What's that sound? What's that noise? What is going on?
Turns out that Brave One brought an air mattress. What a wuss. It was a little inflatable plastic affair. And it was noisy. Deep breath, blow into plastic, deep breath, blow into plastic. This noise went on for what seemed like hours. He would think there was enough air in it, and set it up with his sleeping bag over it and, no, it needed more air. Into the night this went on.
Tie Dye thought - he is the good one - real Christian boy - and yet he is making sexual passes at an air mattress - what's this world all about? I don't get it.
Ohhh, look at that blue white red yellow flame. Smell that great smell. Mmmmm. Look at those little air bubbles in the wax. What's that noise? How can he have sex with his mattress in front of all of us? Oh wow, that sure smells good. Mmmm.
You get the picture.
(Please know that this story is truly about a misspent youth. There is nothing good about taking drugs and abusing yourself as a teen. If I had been a different person, none of this would have happened. But I was who I was and I am now who I am.
So be it.)
