For a home with as many books as we have, it is amazing that we only have 2 book shelves in use. So I purchased another bookshelf yesterday at the ultimate big box store. I am going to assemble it and put it to work in my bedroom. I hope to organize that room this week. Pictures to come.
Fourth of July celebrations around here included me watching as many movies as possible. My favorite one was Henry Poole is Here. It was directed by the same guy who directed Mothman Prophecies.
The weather has cooled off here. So it must be extrodinarily hot somewhere else.
I bbq'd dinner last night - chicken, salmon and corn on the cob. I smelled like smoke from the corn husks for the rest of the night. We also had salad. We get together for family dinner most every Sunday night. You'd think I would be glad to have the privledge to cook for my whole family once a week. Well, no, yesterday I was extremely pissy.
The family on vacation in Seattle (12/07)
Before Jo-Ash lost his sight
I think, but am not sure - have you ever been in a really bad mood and not been sure why? - anyway I think my pissyness came from Sunday School earlier in the day.
I teach Sunday School twice a month - the 2's and 3's class. Sad to say - I do not put forth my best effort - I just show up, look at the lesson and go from there. A few months ago, I was feeling put upon about the whole thing - thinking it was time for me to quit. Then the format changed, the room changed and the people I worked with changed - so the mobile was out of balance.
Then this guy who is my age and really loud joined us. He obviously wanted to be the teacher, not the helper, and he started doing stuff I didn't ask him to do. We had been a quiet little place before that - peaceful and in control. Now we are a loud place with guy stuff happening all over.
Each month between my times in the class I would - at least part of the time - chew on my upsetness about the new guy.
Well yesterday, after spending the previous 2 weeks thinking I was going to talk to him and tell him - what I am not sure - he showed up - I said nothing to him - other than hello - and off went the morning . The kids love him - he's right in there playing with them - and I let him teach the lesson and the 2 and 3 year olds are engaged - and crap - he's actually way better at it than I am.
So I have decided I need to quit teaching Sunday School - 'cause I don't want to do it and because new guy is way better than I am. But that doesn't seem right to me - I should graciously stay and....continue to resent having to teach? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea [not].
I know I should be glad that a better aternative has been provided for the class - but really my ego is getting stuck on the better part. Silly little ego.
So from my Monday Morning Quarterback chair it is now obvious why I was in such a pissy mood yesterday. Ta da! - Now I just gotta screw up my courage and tell Kimberly that I gotta quit. Then I will feel so relieved - if not somewhat ego-crushed!
And so - thank you for reading through my Monday musings - I now now WHY I was so pissed yesterday. Who says writing it out isn't as good as therapy?
Writing is therapy for me. I can't not write.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the state of your ego, it didn't sound like your heart was into the whole Sunday school gig. It's hard to do your best when you just don't want to do a thing. I predict you will find something else to do that will feel more rewarding. Then your ego will soar.
Someone who has never been to therapy. (giggle) Seriously, I think writing is therapy. It is mine anyway.
ReplyDeleteNot only that, it's good to hear what other people run up against. Nice not to be alone in the WTF is going on world.
Hey... have to agree with cube on that. Maybe that was Himself tapping you on the shoulder to step down. No offense. Maybe, I'm saying... you have been excused and relieved of that pressure... to feel free not to feel guilty. you got permission.
ReplyDeletecube ~ that sounds like genius! thank you for your wise comments! i really appreciate them.
ReplyDeleteananda ~ it is nice to be excused by the Almighty Himself and relieved of the pressure!
Also writing is the best thing ever - better than watching TV or movies. better than talking to my family. it allows my psyche to ramble where it needs to go. thank you for allowing me to share and remarking upon that sharing.
Also thanks for feeding the fish!
You're welcome... as for the fish. You know, I had nothing better to do. I'm not starting my life until September.
ReplyDeleteYou were a wonderful writer as I recall. Kick it out!
Ananda - that was then - this is now
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to what you are saying...just because you don't want to do something anymore doesn't mean it is easy to give it up! I know for me, I get this image of myself as this person who does this thing. It is all wrapped up in my identity. You are making a good and selfless decision :-)
ReplyDeleteI love your family portrait!!!
laura - i actually did have the thought of this is what i do - who i am - you nailed it! Again, thanks for the postive feedback! also thanks for the thumbs up on the family portrait.
ReplyDelete